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i'm screaming on the inside [18 Oct 2006|10:32pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

"Be who you are and say what you feel because the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss


If you don't get that, then you don't get me. If you don't get it don't try to.

[17 Oct 2006|10:52pm]
[ mood | blah ]

i've got nothing to prove.
edmundo and katerina can shove it.

senior take over day was fun... i heard i made someone cry. shit, i was never THAT stupid or THAT sensitive.

assume = ass of you and me [15 Oct 2006|11:46am]
[ mood | worried ]

scrath that... i'm a douche

cigars suck [15 Oct 2006|03:49am]
[ mood | tired ]

1. family
2. education
3. the gang/dance


that's what it's all about (in that order).

i realized i dislike more people than i thought. as a matter of fact, the amount of people i dislike is higher than the number of people i DO like.
if you don't fit in to what i want in a friend, you're not my friend. the definition has changed. i promise i won't miss you. i got over the whole "best friends forever" bullshit, cause it doesn't exist. live in the moment, even if it means leaving old friends behind.

if you're behind, it wasn't meant to be. this isn't the blame game, it's life.

i had fun tonight :)
snaps for joseph's new car.

i thought i wanted this [12 Oct 2006|01:08am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

i want to start over again. ALL OVER!!!
forget people. forget everything. forget it all.

scratch that. the people that i'm hanging out with are so FUCKING CHILL!!! God, I friggin love them all. it's not that i want to get rid of my past, i just don't want to deal with shit right now. i'm so into me (not that conceited) that i don't want to deal with shit. what i mean is, i'm figuring out what it's all about and it's not what i thought it was.

how do you tell someone whose been waiting forever that you don't want their love anymore? how do you know that they're being sincere? how do you know if the feeling is mutual? how do you know if you'll ever get over it?
mistakes are bound to happen, but forget about regretting them. (

oh iron man [08 Oct 2006|07:50pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

i have dance withdrawal.
it's only been one day.

i have a feeling this is exactly what edmundo wanted.  
it's going down 10.29.06. 

"fuck ignorance. i'm all for apathy."

dancers are good at math [07 Oct 2006|03:39pm]

today in dance, edmundo made us a do an excercise that would help us with our solo.  he gave us a sheet of paper and pencil and said "write down all the ways you feel isolated from your friends and family."  so we did that and then he says "make them math problems were you subtract and get one."  it was pretty sad, but it made sense.  "all of these things are what makes your solo you.  just because you wrote it in pencil doesn't mean you can erase it.  even if it's sad and you don't want to admit to it, it's the truth and there's really nothing you can do about it."  my paper looked something like this...

3      -     2 = 1
4      -     3 = 1
3      -     2 = 1
33    -   32 = 1
122 - 121 = 1
850 - 841 = 1

After that, he tells us to write down the relationship that is the complete opposite of what we had just described.  "that person who you can add on to yourself is who you are dancing this for."

1 + 1 = 2

that was the coolest/most insightful thing i've eved done.  to think that math could explain the relationships you have with other people is so  amazing.  and it's not a feeling of isolation when you subtract yourself from your "friends," it's accepting the truth that there are just somethings you can't express to other people and those peope really don't understand you.  they see who you are when you're with them, when you're apart of them (i.e. you're one-third of the group or one-fifth; not an individual).

"how many of you push that last person away?"  all of us raised our hands.  "let your dance explain human nature and let it show that person you need them more than anything else."

dance allows you to see the reality.  it's also a way to escape from it. 

dance = love

cookies with frosting [06 Oct 2006|08:54pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i'm really tired.
senior year is sooo0000oooo much work. i'm not complaining, cause i love school and stuff, but it's just tough. i'm not feeling psych too much, mr. nelson's not really teaching. anyways, i was gonna write more, but i don't feel like it. i actually want to get this essay over with so i can get some ZZZZzzzZZZs.

ilu bro.

friends = negative cherry on the cake [02 Oct 2006|02:37am]
[ mood | worried ]

damn bro.  some people just aren't worth it.

what if [01 Oct 2006|05:15pm]

i wish i was wrong about people.  
i really hate the effect music has on me.  some songs are like a drug and i have to listen to them over and over again, even if they make think about things or people i don't want to.
what if i could tell people what i really thought of them?  maybe i will.  the majority of people already know.  and i would feel better after doing it.  i guess some of you should be expecting phone calls sometimes soon.

them other fuckers don't know how to act [30 Sep 2006|12:48pm]
[ mood | relieved... kinda sorta ]

"let me make up for the things you lack."
JT is so friggin cocky, but then again, he has every right to be.

i turned in my UF early decision application and contract yesterday.
yesterday charity and i rode around the metro for no apparent reason and played mission impossible in government center.  i always have fun with that little girl.  she and diego are so cute and i'm so happy for the two of them :)
i have so much biology homework its not even funny.  i was thinking about that phrase "it's not even funny."  why would something be funny if it wasn't supposed to be?  nevermind.

6 comments| Be Like Me

and what? [28 Sep 2006|10:22pm]
first off, what would i do without van wyk?  people swear i'm stressing out (which i am!), but it would be worse if it wasn't for her.  
uf application is due on monday... early decision baby, and what?  i'm super nervous :(  i've been wanting to go there since last year.  i applied for summer b, just because if i get in, i want to become familiar with the campus and what not.
i got my class rank... i'm 60, top 7%.  i'm really proud of that.  i got my rank without any dual enrollment, just straight up IB classes.  last year i got straight b's, but i still managed to do well.  and what?
i can't believe that by this time next year, i will be away from my best friends.  vincent will be in georgetown and nicole either in madrid or here.  deivid is going somewhere amazing and imma be at UF.  god willing, i'll have joseph, joni, albert, sarah and the gang up in gainesville with me.  that would be so kick butt!!!  i'm excited to go to college, but i have this fear that i'm not ready to go, as in knowledge wise.  i dont wanna go to college and not know what's going on in my classes and stuff.  i know its inevitable, but i want to know at least some stuff, have a decent foundation, you know.

i'm gonna go release this stress and go running.

faith is good.  i need it and i need you.  thanks for everything :)

all work and no play [23 Sep 2006|01:23pm]
[ mood | busy ]

okay, so i'm asking my friends "what are you doing this weekend?"  the majority of the responses have been either "homework" or "college applications."  the same applies to me.  i'm doing early decision UF. w00t w00t :)  So are Joseph, Joni, Sarah, Albert, Andy, and Stephany; I'm sure there are other people that I do not know of that are doing the same thing.  So, Mr. Nelson asks us to make an Essay Rubric.  Me, being an IB student, spent about thiry five minutes make one... It's so friggin detailed and perfect, it's amazing.
I'm still sick.  Like, this runny nose business sucks.  The football game on Thursday was interesting... We went to Dennys after, which was fun.  Friday was a lucky day.  Mr. Nelson gave me an extension on the Social Psychologist make up (the actual test was last Friday) and Ms. Herrera rescheduled the math quiz to next Tuesday and class got cut shurt due to the IB meeting.  Also, on Monday, we didn't have enough time to take the Biology test because of the Senior Panoramic (that was funny because I put on a Track & Field sweater so I could be in the front) and we were supposed to make the test up on Wednesday.  It turns out that I had the FBLA field trip on Wednesday, so I rescheduled it for Friday, but the IB meeting continued into Biology, so it's going to be made up on Monday during class.  Finally, Munnerlyn didn't collect the journals and she is giving us another chance to do the grammar quiz in two weeks.  
Life's not that bad right now.

7 comments| Be Like Me

there once was a girl named olivia... [19 Sep 2006|07:32pm]
[ mood | where's procrastination smiley ]

yeah, so olivia got me into the whole list thing in tenth grade... damn dude, that was such a long time ago.  so, i wanna do a list thing, too.  well, it's not gonna be a list; it's gonna be more of a description of people and stuff.
i wouldn't click this if you were sensitive

8 comments| Be Like Me

no fear shakespeare [17 Sep 2006|11:24am]
[ mood | busy ]

the runny nose is still here... boo hoo.
i make promises... a lot (shoot me big money) of them.  for some reason, the ones i keep are the ones that i make to my friends.  granted, i have mada a lot (shoot me again big money) to myself, and the majority i've been able to keep.  but there's one promise that just keeps getting broken and it's really starting to piss me off.  i keep on telling myself not to drink and i do it anyways.  it's not good for me.  it can actually be fatal... and that's scary.  i hate thinking that i could kill myself by giving into a stupid vice like drinking.  
i used to cry when i drank.  people know that.  just look at homecoming, prom, deivid's, nicole's... but that was last year.  this year has been amazing when it comes to that, no tears shed whatsoever.  yet, i can't let that deceive me.  i can't drink.  period.  
i have to start being grateful for being able to do other things.  i have to be grateful that there are ways to regain the homeostasis, for lack of a better word.
once again, i'm going to make a promise to myself that i'm going to stop drinking. 

this is getting repetitive.

p.s. i'm not an alcoholic.

okay, time to finish no fear shakespeare :)

i HATE missing school [15 Sep 2006|09:05am]
[ mood | sick ]

i'm sick and i have my period.  worst combination of life.  i haven't gone to school in the past two days.  and I MISSED BIO.  dude, that class is intense.
and I MISSED MATH... we do so much in such a short period of time.  well, it's not that intense, but i'm testing this year and blah blah blah.
i hope i'm not too sick to go out this weekend. HAHAHAHA.  just kidding.  no, not really.

[13 Sep 2006|04:43pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

club fair was success for all of my clubs.  interact was definitely the most fun!!! we dressed up as fairies and work halos and fake eyelashes :)  it was pretty insane.

i'm currently freaking out cause blackmon gave me an F for weekly participation last week, fucking jerk.  i dont know why... whatever.  i have to get used to it that he doesn't like me.  still, he will always be a genius and i have to respect him for that.  as long as i get a 5, 6, or 7 on the IB test, i'm good.  

i'm shaking a lot right now.  i don't know if it's cause i'm cold, or if it's because i'm nervous, or if it's because i have too much caffeine in my body... the idea of living life scares me, it really does.

worn out places, worn out faces [11 Sep 2006|09:27pm]
[ mood | confused ]

today is september 11.  five years ago, the U.S. was attacked.  everyone knows this, but people just seem so nonchalante(sp?) about it.  dude, people tried to tear our country apart; make us recoil in fear; stop living life, but we didn't.  instead, we act as if nothing happened.  not cool.  i'm not even gonna get into this.
i was in dance for a long, long, long  time.  i took my laptop with me.  that's the epitome of IB.  i did homework while i was in vacation in naples; i did homework during dance breaks; my teacher let me bring the lap top to class during the last hour on the condition that i participate when we learned new parts.
we are performing for a Patriot Day thing tomorrow, which makes no sense, but we're doing it.  that means that i have to cancel my doctor's appointment, which means it's gonna be a bitch to reschedule, but whatever.  
i have homework to do.


it's been so long since last december

...

dig your toes in the sand [08 Sep 2006|06:38pm]
[ mood | sad ]

the three people i love most in my family are my mom, my dad, and paola.  paola is my favorite cousin; i love her more than i love my sibligs.  in july she had a stroke.  now she's in mississippi for a check up type thing and they say there's something wrong with her heart.  her dad died of a heart attack.  she's only twenty seven.  if she dies i really don't know what i'll do with myself.  
last night my parents told me and i couldn't stop crying.  i cried myself to sleep and woke up with the biggest migraine of life.  i couldn't go to school.  they had contemplated not telling me because they were afraid how i would react.  now we're going to naples for the weekend because they say i need to get out of miami for the weekend. they're gonna send me to mississippi so i can be with her when she has surgery.  she only cried once when i was in honduras.  she didn't even cry today when i talked to her.   
i've always believed in God, and there have been few times that i've doubted His existence... this would be on of these times.  i guess i'm self-centered to ask "why me?  why her? what has she done."  it's not fair.  nothing is ever fair.  how am i supposed to ask Him to help her if i'm not even sure He exists?

music = life [05 Sep 2006|09:52pm]
[ mood | awake ]

i can't believe it's ten...
i love this song.  
i went to the volleyball game today.  hannah and vero are beasts.
i don't want to go to school tomorrow.
mr. blackmon hates me.  i wish i could bring myself to hate him, and it's not that i can't, but i know that if i do, i'll only get myself in trouble.
i wish i could just do my thing.

thinking of college is absolutely overwhelming.

i'm going to bed now. fuck studying my chapter two psych test/quiz/whatever the fuck it is.

6 comments| Be Like Me

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